I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
