Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
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