I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he's single and there are thong briefs.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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