so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
God I need to hump something, right now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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