would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
