u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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