We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
