i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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