I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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