just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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