i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
