Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
