So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
