Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
