Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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