Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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