He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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