Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
