So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
