either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
