This is not my ceiling
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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