I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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