We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
