He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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