I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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