What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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