You smell like a Billy Joel song
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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