the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
