If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
