i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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