Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
