i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
