Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
