Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
