Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
