the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
