Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
