someone threw a dead crab at me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
