If that was your dad, he is hot
id be glad to
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
