He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
im on a boat
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