True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
