someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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