now i know why i became what i already was.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
