i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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