glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
