we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Vodka?
Forever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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