Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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