Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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