oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
