I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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