Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
