So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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