I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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