At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why is there bacon in the couch?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
