i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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