I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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