your thong is hanging out like whoa
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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